on an artist's statement
As far as I know, It's sometimes expected of artists to explain themselves using an artist statement. To write something that explains them, their process, their topics, their worldview etc. I always thought that was weird. "Here's me- in a paragraph!".
As of tonight, however, I think I can understand the value of this.
I've always wrestled with my own image. I feel like I'm not how I picture myself. I can't tell you what I imagine myself to be, but I can tell you that I have a hard time accepting the way I am. To sum it up, I feel like I can't believe my own actions. They feel contrived- my speech patterns, my thoughts, my actions. But all of those things are me, as crazy as it seems. There is no "second level" me waiting to be surfaced, a total transformation of myself. Instead, I simply am the person other people see.
When it comes to my art, I deal with a lot of out-there concepts. My comic, Pearman, is about normal characters in wacky animal and fruit costumes doing normal-ish things in a infinite grassy void. The video series nothing nowhere is similar, with characters living in an endless concrete sprawl, forever reincarnating in a quest to find their personal meaning/purpose. Liminal Ranger is about exploring abstract extradimensional spaces that are the inner worlds of neglected locations who have fear and worries very similar to our own.
Characters in bizarre situations, essentially.
What I'm getting at is this: I'm trying to find some sort of normal in absurdity. Obviously, not everything I make follows this. Sometimes I make something just because I think it's funny or interesting. Regardless, I feel confident saying that this is one of the most constant themes in my work. Tonight, I realized that this is what I need to do with myself as well.
I need to look at all of the things I don't understand about myself and realize that yes- I really talk like that. Yes, I really act like that. Yes, I am that person I see in the mirror. That may be absurd for myself to hear, but yes!
That is me!
Life is completely absurd! I'm glad you've been able to find meaning in this artist's post-- I'm not sure how much you practice introspective writing, but it has helped me in regards to finding a deeper sense of understanding and meaning in life.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bizarre feeling to not feel you are yourself-- I don't like to call the feeling dissociation, but I cannot find another term that more accurately describes the disconnect between who you are and who you perceive yourself to be. If you can disregard the thought, you are yourself for as long as it is out of your mind.
It feels like an inherent sense of self-actualization should be a pretty obvious fact of life right? But no! Life is too absurd to allow this! I feel that most any introspective thoughts lead down this route of thinking, and it's hard to think past it an wholly accept the absurd. Or act in spite of it. I like your idea of seeking the normal within the absurd-- it's led to great stuff! But I have to wonder how this will affect the entertainment sphere?!
i have not done any writing, but i do like to record videos of myself for later and this breakthrough came midway though a recording. the sphere is now double reinforced!
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