SAY NO TO MAYONNAISE

 (Borrowed from the Italian Sandwich page)




This is my breaking point, my hill to die upon, my renewed conviction. If I don't say this now, it would be a dishonesty.


No more mayonnaise on Italian Sandwiches.


An Italian sandwich is a zesty affair- Slightly bitter and fresh. The only sauce needed is not a sauce, but oil and vinaigrette. Pesto can also be a welcome surprise. Mayonnaise does not taste fresh; It's heavy and creamy. Let me be clear: I am by no means a hater of mayonnaise- I have actually discovered that mayonnaise is an over hated condiment. It is far from my priorities to besmirch mayonnaise. But I need to draw a line somewhere.


This sandwich above, by all means, should have been delicious. Instead, you take a bite, and all you get is the overwhelming attack of mayonnaise and an unbalanced amount of meat. This is not what an Italian Sandwich is. This is not the only Italian Sandwich I had that was like this- Molinari's in San Francisco did the same. The mayonnaise is a total wrecking ball to the Harmony of the Italian Sandwich.


What is the flavor of an Italian Sandwich? It's crunchy. It's soft. It's sweet. Bitter. Oily. Vinegary. It's Delicious! It's a mix of tastes and textures that is delivered in the tower of a bite. Nothing takes the lead, yet nothing is in the back seat. It's refreshing in the summer and invigorating in the winter. It's excess for a reason- even the blend of meats used in the sandwich are meats of contrast. Banana peppers provide a bitter punch that the cheese deflects. Lettuce gives crunch, and the tomatoes provide zing. A world where everything has its purpose, diverse yet together.


And then you add Mayonnaise- A wave of creamy white that Overrides flavor, Interrupts texture, and unifies under it's unwanted banner. What are you doing here, Mayonnaise? Who invited you? Why do you refuse to stay in your lane?


Let's ask the final question: What convinces a sandwich maker to add mayonnaise to a sandwich? Is it in service of tradition- a sandwich needs to have some sort of lubricant and mayonnaise is the standby? Could we call that laziness? Is it desired, as the sandwich maker welcomes its inclusion? Could we call that bad taste? Is it that they have no excuse, that they simply do it because they do it and haven't thought about it?  Could we call them a coward? 


Is it giving up on life and neglecting intention? Could we call it walking away from the world?


I had no clue what I was in for as I took the above photo of the Italian Sandwich. I took the photo in a gesture of good will, with the assumption that this sandwich was going to be delicious, even though I had seen the mayo from the cross section. Could we call that naivety? 


As I ate the Mayonnaise Bath pictured above, I realized what needed to be done. And with this message, I hope that I have accomplished what had to be.


Shaun H, 7/29/2026

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 5, 2026 at 5:31 AM

    I can’t believe this is a worldwide issue, I had a Southern Fried Chicken supermarket wrap the other day and despite it being barbecue sauce based there was significant mayonnaise as well. Devastating. Who designed this did u have a nightmare and decide to inflict it on the rest of us???

    Also! I didn’t know you did a post about nextfest, I’ve just read it. I’m so sorry the creative industry is so shit at the moment. I do believe society at large is going to have a massive backlash against AI in the years to come and a hunger for good human-made stuff will set in, but in the meantime being left competing for attention with a sea of slop is where we’re at I guess. It pisses me off that we have a society where lots of people have neither the attention nor the money to spare like they used to. And again I think this will inevitably change (soon) and we’ll have a lot more flourishing creatives that can live off their work. But in the meantime 😐😐😐
    What I will say is that if anyone has a fighting chance of making a living off games it’s you. Genuinely truly and I don’t think that’s just my bias coming through. Sorry I started calling Reev a fool and saying about how hard game dev must be, probably not what you wanted to hear if you were feeling like this 😂 But I said it cos I’m convinced if any game out there is going to be successful if it finds the right people it’s Neptune, it’s got so much personality and just pure fun to it, it’s unique and I just want it to have the best chance possible.
    Pls email all the games journalists and do all the marketing, idc if you have to dissociate and pretend it’s your corporate alter ego Shorn doing it to feel less bad about it 😂 No one’s gonna judge you for doing it & I personally appreciate the reminders when people advertise cos it pulls my attention back to something worthwhile that I probably intended to engage with anyway but just forgot about or haven’t got round to (which I don’t imagine is a unique experience).
    (/essay end)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousAugust 5, 2026 at 5:33 AM

      (Ok this was meant to be on my Google account but apparently not, it’s variablevelvet clearly)

      Delete
    2. yatoimtopAugust 6, 2026 at 2:07 AM

      The world deserves more mayonnaise restraint 😔

      I hope there's a tide turning moment on AI, but I fear that there's enough undiscerning people out there to always have it buzz in the background. And thank you for the comments on the game/notes on advertising, going forward I'm just going to have to get over myself lol when it comes to pushing it! And reev can be called a fool all you want 🦭🤡

      Delete
    3. AnonymousAugust 6, 2026 at 12:09 PM

      Maybe, maybe. It would be great to have some certainty so people can not worry about paying bills lol, but nonetheless I still like the vibe of “the life of Riley” by the lightning seeds (which has mild Neptune vibes actually) where it goes “we’re sailing blind but it’s certain nothing’s certain” said with a great air of optimism

      Reev is a lovable fool 💚 Though his lying and knowing Everything (nice ref?) and uh breaking in is mildly concerning 😂 my acceptance of him is unconditional lol. Hopefully we’ll be seeing him in an advert soon 🦭

      Delete

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